im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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