I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
