I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
