it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
