Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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