I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
