the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
