Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
