May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
