Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize