I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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