508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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