He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
