if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
