Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
