sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
