She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
