WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
