I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
