ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
