so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I wish I only lived at night.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
