My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
