i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
