you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
