if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
