I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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