Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Randomize
