If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
