party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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