You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
