After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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