I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
