Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
