Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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