4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
