Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
