Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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