Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
