i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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