remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
