So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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