Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize