we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
