no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize