You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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