pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
