ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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