Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
