I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
