so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
be right there i have to get my cape
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
