My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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