i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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