How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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