DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
