she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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