Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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