somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
