cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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