I feel like I'm in dance class right now
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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