After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Randomize
