I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
