Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i think my tv is drunk
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just pee around me
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
