if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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