do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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