This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
