Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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