I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
