you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
