...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
