Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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